Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I have pretty intense Spring Fever, I think that everyone does at this point. I want the grass to be green, the sky to be blue, and to sit outside and not shiver. Today belonged almost entirely to spring, and I was so busy I wasn't able to enjoy it.

-- is getting married in June. I'm pretty sure the girl he is marrying is the girl he was dating while he was dating me... ugh...I just want him to apologize for being so terrible to me. I don't expect it will ever happen. At least I will be out of the country when he gets married.

My only regret about going to London is that I can't afford an entirely new wardrobe to go with me. I've been saving all my money for so long...I miss fashion!

THE boy in my french class talked to me today. We were walking out of class, and he stopped and asked me how I was doing. Unfortunately at the time my hands were full so I was holding my water bottle with my teeth and there was food spilled down my shirt from dinner. Not my most flattering moment...but still...he talked to me...gheee!

I don't know what it is about him. He's not the most attractive person I've ever seen. He's not even the most attractive boy in the class, but something about the serenity of his smile sends electric-buzz butterflies twittering through my torso.

Healthy food is boring!

My face skin is insanely dry. It's like I have a five o'clock shadow of dead skin. It's terrible and hideous, and feels yucky when I move my mouth.

Ophelia, my orchid parted the blinds of her own volition in order to get a decent shot at the sunlight. It's so adorable. I'm worried mom will kill her when I got to London.

Words I NEVER thought I'd say.

I have been working out. I'm up to 30 minutes a day at least five days a week. I'm planning on taking Golf lessons with my mom in the spring, and I'm going to take Tennis in the fall. (Tennis for the cute outfits, and because it keeps showing up in Woody Allen movies. Golf, also for the cute clothes and because it would be a nice place to meet boys)

It is completely possible that I might become sporty.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


I think there comes a point in every girls life when she has to accept that she will never be Audrey Hepburn.

I have not reached that point. I stare intently at photographs and the movies hoping somehow that just by sheer concentration I can transform my face into hers. It's unhealthy. I just set myself up for disappointment, but just look at her...

Things I've lost.

Lately the weekends are a source of discomfort for me. While I am happy to not be at school or work, when the end of Saturday rolls around I feel an emptiness at not having done anything productive. By the end of Sunday I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin.
It's not that I wish I was at school or work. I don't think I've EVER wished I was at work. It's just I can't spend an entire day doing nothing anymore.
When did I lose that? I used to be profoundly good at doing nothing. Weeks would disappear with nothing of note going on in my life, and I felt fine.
I think part of it is I am finally shaking off ever present teenage fatigue. When I was a teenager I could always sleep. Any time of day or night, any where. I frequently curled up into a ball on the floor of the drama room to take a quick 10 minute nap. I was the exact opposite of indefatigable. I could not be unfatigued. but now...
If I take a nap during the day I have a hard time getting to sleep at night.
So what am I supposed to do with my free time?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Dante+Virgil: BFF

I love how when Dante sat down to write the Devine Comedy (and I am sure he was just hanging around Florence one day, came home after a long day of being a Florentine, and just sat down and wrote the thing) he was like,
"What if I have to travel through the nine circles of hell, to find my lost love, BUT I have my favorite dead author to guide me. "

That is the best idea ever.

If I was going to write Chick-Lit I would write one based on "The Inferno" but it would be the 9 circles of dating and Jane Austen would be my guide.

Or Young Adult Fiction, with hell of course being middle and high school, with J.R.R. Tolkien as my guide.

I want Emily Bronte to show up and guide me through somewhere, but what? Vaguely gothic weirdness?...this may be the best idea of all of them.

Friday, February 13, 2009

No place like London

It's official. I got my acceptance letter to London Study Abroad for this summer. I've been planning this since August, but in an effort to not count my chickens before they hatch I haven't allowed myself to count on it until now.

I can officially start London obsessing.

There are so many books to read.

Beyond just the required reading there is British History to brush up on, and literature to reread, do you think I can read all 6 Jane Austen novels and the Brontes before I go....Wordsworth! I should read Wordsworth! and Tennyson!


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

words words words

It doesn't seem fair that after all the books I've read that there are still so many words I don't know. And other people just whip these words out like it's no big deal. It's not that they assume that I know this word, it's that they don't even think it worth while to think about the possibility that I don't know the word.

But pejorative is a word that suggests disapproval.

I'm just so hopelessly young.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

My thoughts on Writing at the moment.

I don't think it's fair that Vladimir Nabakov wrote better in his third language than I shall ever write in my first.

Is there a way to stay away from cliches and contrivances without losing satisfaction?

I feel too young to have anything important or interesting to say. Simultaneously I think that it is counter-productive to start writing with the purpose of "saying something" I don't like art with a specific message.

I enjoy prose more than poetry, and poetry class is doing nothing to alter this.

It's difficult for me to talk about deep feelings like love, or grief, or loss, or beauty without making a joke because these things scare me, because they are all that matters. Likewise it is difficult for me to write about these things.

Monday, February 2, 2009


I just finished watching the HBO "John Adams" miniseries. I sincerely hope that if I ever have to get married (and I suppose that eventually some man will drive me to it) that I have a marriage like John and Abigail Adams.
It's hard to beat that.