Friday, August 22, 2008

Jenna: the emotional journey.

I don't think it's really any secret that I have a history emotional instability. When I first went to college I realized that I didn't know what I really wanted, and what I thought I wanted, turned out to be not what I thought it would be, and so I spiraled down into craziness. I was trying, genuinely trying to put myself out there, and I got no results, and so I felt terrible about myself, and I gave up entirely. But then I went to the amazing Dr. T, and I started to pull myself together, and everything started to look better.
About three months after I finished therapy my brother died, and everything crashed, so I had to go back to therapy, and it seemed that I was starting all over again.
So basically the last 3 years have been about retaining my sanity, and surviving. I didn't have the energy or the will to put myself out there, to meet new people, or date, or be a young person. My life was too scary for me to do scary things like be in social situations, or make eye contact with the opposite sex.
But recently I feel like it's time for all of that. It's time for me to Carpe that Diem, and that I'm ready to risk feeling like an idiot in social situations, and work up the guts to approach a boy. I am a good looking, generally hygenic girl, and there is no reason to be so afraid. I'm declaring my independence! Wish me luck.

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